Over the course of the next 6 months, I found myself in a spiral of addiction to Xanax. Perhaps it was desperation, but I wanted to believe that I was finally going to experience relief from the intrusive thoughts that plagued me. I was looking for a way out of the pain I was feeling. And so I started the long road of ineffective treatment that consisted of a prescription for Xanax. He said he had not, this was the most alone I have ever felt in my life. This doctor looked at me and what he said stayed with me for years. I will never forget the moment that I asked this doctor if he had ever met someone like me, who experienced similar things. I opened up about the thoughts I was having. It was 2012 and I felt like I was stranded in the wilderness. There was not nearly the information available on Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that there is today. I would later realize that I was misdiagnosed. I had always lived my life on my terms and now I felt as though my world was being hijacked.Īfter meeting with this highly regarded professional, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I wanted desperately to get back to living my life. Going into the appointment, I was hopeful. I sought out a well-renowned psychiatrist in the Washington DC area. Things came to a head and I knew I needed help.

I knew I didn’t actually “want” to do these things and yet I was tormented by the thoughts. I thought about hurting myself and others. I crammed what should have been 7 years of work into 4. I had just wrapped up the completion of my Ph.D. I didn’t know it at that time but this would be the first visitation from this mysterious ailment. I had just turned 36 years old when I felt the crushing weight of this disorder.

Call to power 2 nocd